when i am depressed or just struggling to see the good in my life i've noticed that there is emptiness. this is a ridiculous statement because there are countless things in my life that are good and bring me joy. i know what to put in this 'empty spot' and it is actually quite simple. so why do i put some many other things in there? i fill my time with things i shouldn't and i struggle with things that i can not really share on a public blog.
there is one struggle that takes over others and i am just done with it. so funny that it correlates with the same time that i began to outwardly separate from my parents. the process of separation began way before it actually happened, i was just never brave enough to do what i needed to do. so my husband and i separate from my parents and soon after, my biggest struggle becomes bigger. i know what needs to happen, and every time i start to let it go, i find myself right back where i was. i know where to find the strength but getting strength to become better in this doesn't just take away the struggle. i know this is a part of being 'refined' it's just hard and i'm just exhausted. i just need a new season in my life to begin. a season to awaken to life and fullness and joy, things i haven't experienced in such a long time. why am i searching when sanctification is right at my fingertips?
these vices don't control me but it sure feels like it....
